Don’t Wake Kitty, Let’s Get Fat, and 20 Entertaining Facebook Statuses

Get Monday Going, Share one of these…

20 Entertaining Facebook Statuses:

  1. Do you ever have to re-read part of a book because you forgot to process what you were reading?
  2. Remember when I asked for your opinion. Yea, me neither.
  3. I like you as much as WiFi.
  4. Always remember who was there for you when nobody else was.
  5. I feel so proud when my friends tell me their parents like me like damn right they do, I’m a delight.
  6. Am I the only person that texts people like 4 messages at a time that could easily be put into one?
  7. Deep conversations with open minded people are my most favorite things ever.
  8. The real power of a man… Is the size of the smile on his woman’s face sitting next to him.
  9. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
  10. Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
  11. Remember when we were all running around saying yo quiero taco bell? Good times.
  12. Eating a bowl of generic frosted flakes… THEY’RRRRRRRRRE ALLLLLLLLLRIGHT, I guess.
  13. Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
  14. Falling in love, that’s rare. People mostly fall in sexual desires and call it love.
  15. I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
  16. If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullshit on an overweight baggage charge.
  17. Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last year but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
  18. Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
  19. If the minimum wage is good enough for all Americans, then that’s how much Congress should make as well.
  20. Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Don’t Wake the Cat…

That’s how I feel when someone tries to wake me up!

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