Dog Wins Race, Protesting, and 20 Amazing Facebook Status Updates

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20 Amazing Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I’m not antisocial. It’s just that most people don’t make the cut.
  2. It’s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops.
  3. Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
  4. Ugh, do I have to?
  5. First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
  6. “I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
  7. That awkward moment when someone tries to correct you on something you clearly know more about.
  8. If you guys ever need anything always remember I’m just an unanswered phone call away.
  9. OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
  10. If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
  11. Do you guys ever just stare into the sunset and think: I locked the door, right?
  12. I hope those commercials about the trans-vaginal mesh have helped enough people to make up for the amount of trauma they’ve inflicted on me.
  13. Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
  14. A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
  15. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
  16. Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
  17. You and I make perfect nonsense.
  18. I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
  19. Can’t believe I grew up for this.
  20. Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Wins Race… In a Different Way…

That’s a bully dog! Winning the race through fear and intimidation 😛

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