Dog Sez No, PokeBall, & Great Status Posts

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Great Facebook Status Posts:

  1. I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you..
  2. Walmart…because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
  3. I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
  4. The one who asks questions doesn’t lose his way.
  5. Who do I speak to about quitting adulthood?
  6. When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
  7. Tacos: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
  8. I can’t sing… Doesn’t mean I wont.
  9. Reading text messages while half asleep is like looking into the sun.
  10. The opposite of bravery isn’t fear. It’s regret.
  11. I want a cute, long relationship where everyone is like “damn, they’re still together?”
  12. When asked about her secret to living a long life, my 96 y.o. aunt answered, “Not dying.”
  13. I like to slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the store and then watch their reactions when their checking out.
  14. I do believe in love at first sight which is why I quit looking homeless people in the eyes. Just can’t risk it.
  15. Awkward silence is my favorite kind of laughter.
  16. In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.
  17. If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
  18. One of the benefits of being single: the other side of my bed stays cold.
  19. Does anyone else think their computer camera automatically turns on when they’re naked?
  20. “cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router” umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor’s house? Should I call him?

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Doggy Sez NOOoooo

It really sounds like he can say NO. That’s impressive 🙂

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