Score more likes, share these…
Great Facebook Status Posts:
- I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you..
- Walmart…because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
- I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
- The one who asks questions doesn’t lose his way.
- Who do I speak to about quitting adulthood?
- When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
- Tacos: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
- I can’t sing… Doesn’t mean I wont.
- Reading text messages while half asleep is like looking into the sun.
- The opposite of bravery isn’t fear. It’s regret.
- I want a cute, long relationship where everyone is like “damn, they’re still together?”
- When asked about her secret to living a long life, my 96 y.o. aunt answered, “Not dying.”
- I like to slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the store and then watch their reactions when their checking out.
- I do believe in love at first sight which is why I quit looking homeless people in the eyes. Just can’t risk it.
- Awkward silence is my favorite kind of laughter.
- In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.
- If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
- One of the benefits of being single: the other side of my bed stays cold.
- Does anyone else think their computer camera automatically turns on when they’re naked?
- “cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router” umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor’s house? Should I call him?
Doggy Sez NOOoooo
It really sounds like he can say NO. That’s impressive 🙂