Dog Says Hello, Parents Stories, & 20 Wisecrack Facebook Statuses

Get over hump day, share one of these…

20 Wisecrack Facebook Statuses:

  1. I should do something productive with my life. Tomorrow.
  2. Love your parents.
    We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.
  3. I’d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
  4. If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
  5. I’d still love you if you wore socks with flip-flops. I’d judge you, but I’d still love you.
  6. If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
  7. I will show you a picture on my phone, but if you swipe right or left, I will break your finger.
  8. Our relationship consists of me deciding between punching you in the face or having your babies.
  9. How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
  10. If you were any more of a bitch, you’d have puppies.
  11. Did a cartwheel the other day thinking it was like riding a bike. It’s not.
  12. That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
  13. Relationships are like bathrooms. I’m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I’m playing on my phone the whole time.
  14. Why is there an actual debate on vaccinating your kids? It’s a no-brainer. Like calling 3 running plays from the half-yard line.
  15. I’m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who’s rejected me.
  16. Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I’ll send you pictures of how happy it makes me.
  17. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
  18. In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
  19. Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
  20. There are some people that come into your life and instantly you know you want them to get the f*ck out your life.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Says Hello…

Who knew that Dogs can speak? That’s remarkable! I can’t stop laughing. Please Like/Share if you laughed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.