Get over hump day, share one of these…
20 Wisecrack Facebook Statuses:
- I should do something productive with my life. Tomorrow.
- Love your parents.
We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.
- I’d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
- If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
- I’d still love you if you wore socks with flip-flops. I’d judge you, but I’d still love you.
- If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
- I will show you a picture on my phone, but if you swipe right or left, I will break your finger.
- Our relationship consists of me deciding between punching you in the face or having your babies.
- How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
- If you were any more of a bitch, you’d have puppies.
- Did a cartwheel the other day thinking it was like riding a bike. It’s not.
- That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
- Relationships are like bathrooms. I’m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I’m playing on my phone the whole time.
- Why is there an actual debate on vaccinating your kids? It’s a no-brainer. Like calling 3 running plays from the half-yard line.
- I’m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who’s rejected me.
- Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I’ll send you pictures of how happy it makes me.
- Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
- In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
- Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
- There are some people that come into your life and instantly you know you want them to get the f*ck out your life.
Dog Says Hello…
Who knew that Dogs can speak? That’s remarkable! I can’t stop laughing. Please Like/Share if you laughed.