Happy Hump Day, make someones day…
Clever Facebook Statuses:
- I find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes.
- You say I’m wearing too much black but all I hear is I look great.
- Dear naps, I’m sorry I was a jerk to you in kindergarten.
- October: Halloween month
November:Christmas prep month & post halloween depression month
Every other month:sad time
- Do you ever have a plan for the day and it’s suddenly 4pm and you’ve accomplished exactly nothing?
- This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later…
- Taking back your ex is like buying your crap back from your own garage sale.
- Sometimes I look at my significant other and think, “You’re one lucky son of a bitch.” then they remind me that I’m the lucky one and we both have a good laugh 🙂
- I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
- If your girlfriend has $20 and you have $15, your girlfriend has $35.
- My degree of sarcasm depends on your degree of stupidity.
- Wait, so I’m supposed to wash my clothes AND dry them AAAAND put them away?
- Maybe if we over-paid our teachers and under-paid our Pop artists there would better education and less bad music.
- iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That’s like if my bed was named iSex.
- A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
- Judge: I’ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That’s very generous. I’ll try and kick in a little myself.
- You can always count on mom to gasp in horror when you’re about to hit a car that’s 300 yards away.
- Ladies, just remember: The knight in the shiniest armor is the one that has done the least amount of cool and dangerous shit.
- Dating: ‘You’re so smart and funny!’ Married: ‘You just think you know it all and everything’s a joke to you.’
- If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?
Leaf Pile Doggie…
He’s not having fun at all, is he? LOL!
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