Dog Leaf Pile, T9 Text Messaging, and Clever Facebook Statuses

Happy Hump Day, make someones day…

Clever Facebook Statuses:

  1. I find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes.
  2. You say I’m wearing too much black but all I hear is I look great.
  3. Dear naps, I’m sorry I was a jerk to you in kindergarten.
  4. October: Halloween month
    November:Christmas prep month & post halloween depression month
    December:Christmas month
    Every other month:sad time
  5. Do you ever have a plan for the day and it’s suddenly 4pm and you’ve accomplished exactly nothing?
  6. This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later…
  7. Taking back your ex is like buying your crap back from your own garage sale.
  8. Sometimes I look at my significant other and think, “You’re one lucky son of a bitch.” then they remind me that I’m the lucky one and we both have a good laugh 🙂
  9. I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
  10. If your girlfriend has $20 and you have $15, your girlfriend has $35.
  11. My degree of sarcasm depends on your degree of stupidity.
  12. Wait, so I’m supposed to wash my clothes AND dry them AAAAND put them away?
  13. Maybe if we over-paid our teachers and under-paid our Pop artists there would better education and less bad music.
  14. iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That’s like if my bed was named iSex.
  15. A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
  16. Judge: I’ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That’s very generous. I’ll try and kick in a little myself.
  17. You can always count on mom to gasp in horror when you’re about to hit a car that’s 300 yards away.
  18. Ladies, just remember: The knight in the shiniest armor is the one that has done the least amount of cool and dangerous shit.
  19. Dating: ‘You’re so smart and funny!’ Married: ‘You just think you know it all and everything’s a joke to you.’
  20. If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Leaf Pile Doggie…

He’s not having fun at all, is he? LOL!

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