Number 18 will make you LOL!
20 Hilarious Facebook Status Posts:
- Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
- There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.
- Jingle all the way. No one likes a half-ass jingle.
- Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
- Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy puppies and that’s very close to happiness.
- If a hater keeps checking on you, that’s not a hater, that’s a fan. Give that b*tch a free autograph.
- me: im gonna lose weight me: im gonna exercise every day me: im not going to eat me: im gonna go on diet and stick to it me: is that cake?
- No money November is going well so far.
- At some point you’ve got to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.
- I don’t always know what I want, but I do know what I don’t want.
- It’s too cold to do anything but snuggle.
- The awkward moment when you catch yourself singing a song that you’re supposed to hate.
- I hope I’m never dad enough to have a cell phone holster.
- The year is 2026. The iPhone18 is the size of a dump truck. Everything is automatically sepia toned. Air is pumpkin spice flavored.
- If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “f*ck off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
- What’s it called when you hate everyone but still want people to like you? I’m that.
- Last night my wife was sipping on a glass of her favorite wine while sitting on the back porch with me. She paused and said I love you so much. I don’t know how I could ever live without you. I looked at her and asked if that was her or the wine talking. She said it is me…..talking to the wine.
- Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn’t want to go to in the first place.
- A man went to the moon and only took five pictures, maybe you oughta cut down those 47 selfies for your trip to the bathroom, sweetheart.
- Before I marry someone, I want to overhear them on the phone with tech support to see who they really are.
Scared Dog Finds Way to Overcome His Fears…We all could learn a lot from that dog! There’s always more than one way to do something 🙂 Share if you enjoyed!
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