Home Facebook Status Updates Dog Can Walk Again, Multiple Personalities, & 20 Great Facebook Status Updates

Dog Can Walk Again, Multiple Personalities, & 20 Great Facebook Status Updates

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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “morning” and “mourning” sound the same…
Before calling me, ask yourself, “Is this textable?”
LIFE HACK: You literally don’t have to be friends with people you don’t like.
*texts back 6 weeks later* sorry I fell asleep
It’s kinda scary when you waste an entire day doing nothing and time just passes.
Sometimes I wish I was full of tacos instead of emotions.
I love sleep because it’s a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Some people should come with subtitles.
The uglier I look around you, the closer friends we are.
“OK we HAVE to stop eating this.”
*takes one more bite*
Every morning that isn’t Saturday morning makes me want to cry.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Home is where your mom is.
There’s only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world. Literally any dog.
Gotta run to Target. See you in about half my paycheck.
That horrible feeling you get when you’re not asleep anymore.
If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don’t respond with Batman smells then I don’t wanna be friends with you.
1. Buy groceries. 2. Overeat. 3. Eat all groceries in 4 days. 4. Starve for two weeks. 5. Repeat.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?