Make someones Tuesday, share one of these…
20 Playful Facebook Statuses:
- If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?
- I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
- If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
- It’s messed up that you can accidentally make a person but you can’t accidentally make a pizza.
- I like women like I like my beer, Unfiltered.
- Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
- There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
- Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator.
- Someone just named their son Kale. Probably a baby Quinoa too.
- The instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.
- Go f*ck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.
- I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
- The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%
- You can stop trying to drive me crazy. I’m honestly close enough to walk to it from here.
- Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
- The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
- I’m trying to kick dairy and now I’ve got the milk shakes.
- Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
- Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
- I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Dog Balances Ball On Nose…
That’s pretty impressive. Maybe he should join the circus! Feel free to like/share if you enjoyed.
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