Bits of humor to make your day better, share these…
20 Ace Status Posts:
- After searching Justin Bieber’s house, police say his only crime is calling what he does music.
- I want rich people problems.
Like where to land my private jet.
- You only know everything if you ask the right questions.
- I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
- The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
- How much time did you spend on your hair before you took a selfie of your boobs?
- I can’t wait till Valentine’s Day finally passes so I can start dating again.
- The amount of big words I use incorrectly to try and sound smart is stammering.
- It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your shit together, every other vegetable.
- If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
- One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
- Nobody wants a job, we all just want money.
- That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth, but you’re laughing so everyone thinks you’re lying.
- Me: I’m gonna lose weight.
Me: I’m gonna exercise every day.
Me: I’m gonna go on a diet and stick to it.
Me: Is that cake?
- Constipation is like teenage love: can’t sleep, can’t eat, and it hurts when it leaves you.
- If I ever got a box of Lucky Charms that was all marshmallows I’d kill myself because nothing else would ever be cool after that.
- The worst part about being introduced to new people is the panic moment where I think “Pay attention! Pay attention!!!” and miss their name.
- I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
- I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
- Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Adorbs! You’re going to need that Backpack bunny before watching this one…
Devil Baby Prank (Warning: Scary!)
I would flip the heck out if I saw that! Crazy. Thankfully it’s fake.