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Humorous Facebook Statuses:
- I finally found a diet plan that works. It’s called “The cost of food”.
- I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.
- If you can’t say anything nice, we should probably be friends.
- That awkward run/walk you do when a car lets you cross the street.
- I hate when people spell your name wrong on Facebook. I mean it’s RIGHT there!
- So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking shit about them.
- If I let you control the music in my car, it means I would probably take a bullet for you.
- When you start to hate someone, everything they do begins to annoy you… Them: *Cough* You: “OOOOHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDD “
- *Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.
- If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!
- It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
- I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of shit, I want you to as well.
- Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one what’ s the plan?
- Things not to say when pulled over – It was yellow when I went through the light – it was red when you went through the light, Officer.
- The quietest people have the loudest minds.
- I would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday.
- I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.
- This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
- I’m a leader. Not a follower. Unless it’s a dark place, then f*ck that shit you’re going first.
- If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
Sorcery, Pure Utter, Sorcery…
There is no other reasonable explanation for what you just saw other than Sourcery.
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