Facebook Status Updates

Dancing Doggie, LifeHack, and Laughable Status Updates

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20 Laughable Facebook Status Updates:

I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
My pants are 75% off.
Why can’t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found we share a snack pack and then you’re my girlfriend.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
You know what’s funny?
Lots of stuff so lighten the heck up!
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
I really hope that my last words in this world are: “I wonder what this does…”
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
That moment when you have so many things to do so you decide to take a nap instead.
Roses are red. I have a phone. Nobody texts me. Forever alone.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.
I wonder why squirrels are always so paranoid. Come to think of it I’ve never seen a fat squirrel, maybe being paranoid is a good thing?
I’m in a serious relationship with my wifi. You could say we have a…connection.
I love it when I catch you looking at me, then you smile and look away.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
If you love someone set them free. Then send them a text message every hour letting them know you’ve set them free.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!