Crossfit Parody, Dating Life, and Smart Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Get over hump day, share one of these…

20 Smart Facebook Status Updates:

My life is like a Lamborghini. It’s going too fast, and it costs too much.
I’m sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the same way you treat everyone all the time.
Don’t just bend the rules, break them in half and beat them with both pieces.
I didn’t realize growing up meant dying inside but hey it’s whatever.
Do you ever like a celebrity so much you actually get jealous when other people say they like them?
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line…
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
I’m so sick and tired of my friends who can’t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three times while carrying me to the car.
Only a fool trips on what’s behind him.
Step up in the club like, wait I gotta check-in and tag us in Facebook.
Orgasms are a lot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don’t really care if you don’t have any pizza.
People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.
In the future, I’ll tell my grandchildren that I’m older than the internet thus blowing their minds forever.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I’m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Wife: Hey babe! How’s your “Boy’s Night Out” going?
Me: Don’t hang up! They say I only get one phone call..
“Make the little things count”…you want me to teach midgets math?
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
The best kinds of laughter: Laughing so hard your laugh becomes silent.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
When you’re dead, you don’t realize you’re dead; it’s only really difficult for the people around you. Kind of like when you’re stupid.