Facebook Status Updates

My Voice, Whispering Dog, & 20 Crazy Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Get over hump day, share one of these..

20 Crazy Facebook Status Updates:

Instead of walking a mile in my shoes, just watch Netflix for 5 hours while eating snacks, and you’ll get the idea.
“can you not” has been my mental response to almost everything that happens these days.
My hobbies include putting my pajama pants on as soon as I get home.
People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.
Perks of dating me: You are dating me
Forty percent of dating someone in another state is just asking them what their weather’s like.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
The best part about being single is all the sleeping around I can do…I can sleep all over my bed.
Keys To Success:
– Attension to detail
– Finishing what you
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
The more someone says, “you know,” the more I begin to feel better about myself.
Son: dad I don’t know anything about women
Dad: then you are at the point where I can teach you no more, you are ready
Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you, because they can’t handle what’s right about you.
The word “Fat” just looks like someone took a bite out of the word “Eat”
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
Your message was sent, received, seen, ignored, screen captured, sent to friends and ridiculed.
Due to heavy fog, my brain has been grounded until further notice.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an asshole.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.