Make your weekend last longer, share these…
Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:
- The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
- My battery died so I spent so time with the family today. They seem like nice people.
- Spilling your drink is the adult equivalent of letting your balloon go.
- Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together.
- My phone’s in my hand almost every second of the day so if you think I’m ignoring you I probably am.
- The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes.
- Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
- All you people should try putting Cool Ranch Doritos in a pepper grinder. You’re welcome. Enjoy the rest of your life.
- The most important thing to do in life is be yourself…unless you can be Batman. Always be Batman.
- Yoga Pants should have a weight limit.
- Dear phone, I drop you. I say I hate you. I throw you. I lose you. I forget about you, but I can’t live without you. Sincerely, Me
- Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
- Sarcasm: confusing stupid people and pissing off idiots everywhere.
- Being friends with someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like calling someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
- I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired.
- When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
- “I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
- Wind blew. Leaf fell. Tarantula landed on my arm. I panicked. Tarantula transformed back into a leaf. That’s what happened.
- Sometimes as I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say “you’re in charge while I’m gone.”
- Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Is it a Kittenshark? Or a Sharkitten? You decide!
Crazy Saudi Kids… DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
I’m not sure what to make of this video other than the fact these kids are absolutely nuts. Feel free to share if you’d like to make the world a more confusing place.