Crazy Cockatoo, Good Books, and Top 20 Status Updates

Enjoy your weekend, share one of these…

Top 20 Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I hate when Doctors asks questions like . . . “Are you sexually active?” Depends on what you mean by “active”. There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50 years.
  2. Yes hello, life? I’m not coming in today.
  3. Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
  4. I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
  5. I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
  6. My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
  7. If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
  8. I would rather have a life full of scars than one full of fear.
  9. I used to forget time with you. Now, I’ll just forget you with time.
  10. Same F*ck, different You’s.
  11. String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
  12. When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don’t let facial expressions give you away.
  13. I’m gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.
  14. Sometimes a person is completely out of the picture but you just can’t let go of the frame.
  15. Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
  16. When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
  17. Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.
  18. I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
  19. Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you’ve lost and then do those things for the ones you still have.
  20. If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts…it would be very creepy.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Crazy Cockatoo…

For some reason I couldn’t stop laughing!

Have a great weekend! Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. We’ll see you back on MONDAY for more Funny Stuff!