Enjoy your weekend, share one of these…
Top 20 Facebook Status Updates:
- I hate when Doctors asks questions like . . . “Are you sexually active?” Depends on what you mean by “active”. There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50 years.
- Yes hello, life? I’m not coming in today.
- Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
- I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
- I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
- My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
- If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
- I would rather have a life full of scars than one full of fear.
- I used to forget time with you. Now, I’ll just forget you with time.
- Same F*ck, different You’s.
- String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
- When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don’t let facial expressions give you away.
- I’m gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.
- Sometimes a person is completely out of the picture but you just can’t let go of the frame.
- Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
- When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
- Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.
- I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
- Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you’ve lost and then do those things for the ones you still have.
- If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts…it would be very creepy.
For some reason I couldn’t stop laughing!
Have a great weekend! Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. We’ll see you back on MONDAY for more Funny Stuff!