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20 EPIC Facebook Status Updates:
- At the rate I’m going, don’t be surprised if I eat Christmas.
- My anxiety gives me anxiety.
- I love you a latte.
- Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
- If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
- I notice everything. I just pretend not to.
- I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works.
- I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
- You don’t realize how lonely you are until it’s the end of the day and you have a bunch of things to talk about, but no one to tell them to.
- It’s so frustrating knowing how terrible of a person someone actually is, but everyone loves them because they put on a good show.
- I love my job, but if the opportunity arises to become a rich housewife, I’m leaving this dump.
- I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
- That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
- It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
- If you ever start having faith in humanity, just remember that Gangnam Style has been viewed over 2,147,483,647 times on YouTube.
- I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
- Instead of divorce, how about a marriage license you have to renew every year.
- Calm down people with car antlers… Calm down.
- If a zombie apocalypse broke out in Vegas would it stay in Vegas?
- OFFICER: “Do you know why I pulled you over?” ME: “You believe in love at first sight too.”
I So Pale…
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