Coke Nativity Scene, I So Pale, & 20 EPIC Facebook Status Updates

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20 EPIC Facebook Status Updates:

  1. At the rate I’m going, don’t be surprised if I eat Christmas.
  2. My anxiety gives me anxiety.
  3. I love you a latte.
  4. Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
  5. If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
  6. I notice everything. I just pretend not to.
  7. I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works.
  8. I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
  9. You don’t realize how lonely you are until it’s the end of the day and you have a bunch of things to talk about, but no one to tell them to.
  10. It’s so frustrating knowing how terrible of a person someone actually is, but everyone loves them because they put on a good show.
  11. I love my job, but if the opportunity arises to become a rich housewife, I’m leaving this dump.
  12. I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
  13. That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
  14. It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
  15. If you ever start having faith in humanity, just remember that Gangnam Style has been viewed over 2,147,483,647 times on YouTube.
  16. I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
  17. Instead of divorce, how about a marriage license you have to renew every year.
  18. Calm down people with car antlers… Calm down.
  19. If a zombie apocalypse broke out in Vegas would it stay in Vegas?
  20. OFFICER: “Do you know why I pulled you over?” ME: “You believe in love at first sight too.”

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

I So Pale…

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