Coke Cans, Puppy Video, and 20 Hilarious Status Updates

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Put a smile on someones face! Share one of these statuses and make someones day.

Some days you can’t play the music loud enough.
I like to spend my Sunday night wishing it wasn’t Sunday night.
Dropped some rice in water so I put it in a bag of cellphones to dry out.
Netflix should offer a big-spinning-wheel to help couples choose a movie to watch.
Now to be a true rebel you have to have zero tattoos.
Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn’t read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.
Do vampires have periods?
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public
All I’m saying is if paper beats rock why are rocks used as paperweights?
Before you go to sleep tonight, don’t forget to sprinkle gluten around your bed to keep away the hipsters.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I’m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
When you’re happy you enjoy music, when you’re sad you understand the lyrics
Be the change you want to find behind your couch.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
If I was a ghost I would probably still just watch netflix.
I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I sleep.