Make your weekend last longer, share these…
20 of the Best Status Updates from this week:
- I’m doing what I’ve always done. Learning from the mistakes of others who take my advice.
- There’s a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.
- How many times do I have to roll my eyes to burn any calories?
- I’ve been poor and happy and now I’m ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!
- She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
- Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because we don’t need a clean car to get laid.
- I’m going to Hell. Anybody want anything?
- Excuse me, stewardess. If my seat can be used as a flotation device, which of these other seats can be used as a parachute?
- The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
- If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
- There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
- I wasn’t crying. Sometimes my eyes water because I’m allergic to emotions.
- Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
- I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn’t care. It’s not working!
- I put the PRO in inappropriate!
- I’m being followed by a gym. I don’t think it’s going to work out.
- It’s interesting that people always want to tell you their age when they’re either under the age of 10 or over the age of 65.
- You know you’re invisible when the automatic faucet rejects you.
- Fake nice is worse than really mean.
- Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.
KittEhh Go Klick-Klick…
Cute! Share if you enjoyed!