Christmas Traffic Stop, Appreciating Music, and Great Facebook Status Updates

Make your friends laugh, share one of these…

20 Great Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Are the weeks getting longer?
  2. How I talk:
    25% swearing
    25% sarcasm
    50% a combination of both
  3. How much whiskey goes into cookies? I’m new to this whole baking thing.
  4. I just asked my 8 year old to quit yelling and he said, “I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!”
  5. Texting “Good Morning, Beautiful” will change a girl’s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
  6. Dear World, Stop saying “twerk.”
  7. I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
  8. Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
  9. I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.
  10. If I could get a firm grip on reality…I’d probably choke it.
  11. How can I act normal when you can’t even define it?
  12. A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
  13. Hey guys, women prefer the strong, silent type. So next time you go to the gym, try and shut the f*ck up about it.
  14. The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
  15. The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
  16. Fear less, trust more; take less, give more; whine less, thank more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more.
  17. Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
  18. I sprayed Taylor Swift’s new perfume on me, then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby’s.
  19. Religion is like a buffet. People take what they like and ignore the rest.
  20. It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Christmas Traffic Stop:

It’s nice to see cops making a positive change in the community 🙂

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