Caught in the Act, Pay Attention, and Quality Status Updates

Make someones Tuesday, share one of these…

20 Quality Facebook Status Posts from This Week:

  1. I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
  2. Excited to go to sleep tonight.
  3. It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
  4. I have so much homework…
    What movie should I watch?
  5. I’m equal parts sweetheart and smart ass.
  6. I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
  7. Thanks for pretending not to see me while I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation.
  8. Nothing says “I’ve already given up on this day” quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
  9. Why can’t the ice cream man just get a fricken’ liquor license already?
  10. Nothing like an episode of “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” to make you feel like a Harvard double major.
  11. If you love someone set them free, and then follow their life without you on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for eternity.
  12. Guys, when your sitting there playing Call Of Duty, just know your girlfriends calling another guy to do your duty..
  13. To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
  14. If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
  15. The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
  16. I’ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason.
  17. My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
  18. Hey self-appointed MILFs, easy does it. We’ll let you know.
  19. Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That’s how many seconds you just wasted.
  20. Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Man Caught Secretly Being a Fan…


That beer won’t bring back your manliness my friend.

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