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Captivating Statuses for Facebook:

  • Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited. ( 100K+ Statuses: Funny Status 2  5★ Ratings)
  • I want you to be completely honest with me as long as you’re only pointing out my strengths.
  • You are a prisoner of the limitations you impose upon yourself.
  • I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
  • Love-making: Girls: The most beautiful expression of intimacy 2 people in love can share. Guys: Call it anything you like, just get naked.
  • Dijon found himself spread upon a bed lettuce atop a thin slice of turkey breast…enveloped by steamy buns…garnished with a sweet, sweet pickle… ~Excerpt from my new book “50 SHADES OF GREY POUPON.”
  • Three reasons to stand up: 1. To get the remote 2. To go to the bathroom 3. Because you’re the real slim shady
  • Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on alcohol labels.
  • Wouldn’t it be nice if the ATM just shot out an extra $20 every once in awhile?  (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
  • I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
  • In the dark, it takes several minutes to find the hole and stick it in. Stupid phone charger.
  • So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?
  • If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end on a call, we would all have no friends.
  • I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse when most of you won’t even stand up to a spider. (VIA Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff ) 
  • In a good relationship, both the man and woman are willing to admit the man’s mistakes.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Best Pet Costume?

Dog Costumes that are awesome

Pretty amazing! Like this post if you think that’s the best pet costume you’ve seen! Be warned, Halloween is coming 🙂

Cat Watching Slayer:

Guess some cats are just super into heavy metal. Share this couch potato with your Facebbook friends for some funny reactions.

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… Just, “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Try our awesome FREE Facebook App  for 100k+ Facebook statuses to choose from.