Cat Vacuum Video, Baby Platypus, & Hilarious Status Updates

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:

  1. You had me at the proper use of “you’re”.
  2. Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
  3. Don’t say my sport is easy if you don’t play it.
  4. For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
  5. Life is uncertain which is why every morning, before I leave for work, I hug my kids and whisper “avenge me..”
  6. Never confuse intelligence with education.
  7. I sing a lot for someone who can’t sing.
  8. I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
  9. skinny = anorexic. thick = obese. virgin = too good. non-virgin = slut. friendly = fake. quiet = rude. You can never please society.
  10. I hate when you’re so excited for something but then it ends up not happening.
  11. It’s nice when someone can reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended.
  12. Flushing a slow or hesitant toilet at someone else’s house is the scariest 5 to 10 seconds ever.
  13. I’m an amazing cuddler. I’m not nationally ranked or anything but I dominate the local circuits.
  14. When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
  15. Now I completely understand why Oscar is a grouch.
  16. Telling someone why you love them is like explaining what water tastes like.
  17. “Haven’t had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick.” – everyone in front of you on the highway.
  18. By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass.
  19. If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you’re one of them.
  20. If you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Baby Platypus:

Baby Platypus

Slurping that milk up! Looks like a baby house hippo. So cute!

Cat and the Vacuum Video:

Dawwwww, that guy knows what he likes 🙂 Too cute! And, of course no animal was harmed in that video.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Check back on Monday for more funny status updates!