Make your weekend last longer, share these…
Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:
- You had me at the proper use of “you’re”.
- Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
- Don’t say my sport is easy if you don’t play it.
- For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
- Life is uncertain which is why every morning, before I leave for work, I hug my kids and whisper “avenge me..”
- Never confuse intelligence with education.
- I sing a lot for someone who can’t sing.
- I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
- skinny = anorexic. thick = obese. virgin = too good. non-virgin = slut. friendly = fake. quiet = rude. You can never please society.
- I hate when you’re so excited for something but then it ends up not happening.
- It’s nice when someone can reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended.
- Flushing a slow or hesitant toilet at someone else’s house is the scariest 5 to 10 seconds ever.
- I’m an amazing cuddler. I’m not nationally ranked or anything but I dominate the local circuits.
- When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
- Now I completely understand why Oscar is a grouch.
- Telling someone why you love them is like explaining what water tastes like.
- “Haven’t had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick.” – everyone in front of you on the highway.
- By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass.
- If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you’re one of them.
- If you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)
Slurping that milk up! Looks like a baby house hippo. So cute!
Cat and the Vacuum Video:
Dawwwww, that guy knows what he likes 🙂 Too cute! And, of course no animal was harmed in that video.