Cat Loves Owner, Practical Advice Kermie, and Dazzling Facebook Statuses

Make your weekend last longer, pick one and share these…

20 Dazzling Facebook Statuses:

  1. Broke a light bulb today. Seven years of bad ideas?
  2. You don’t need to be dating someone to be happy. Just be yourself.
  3. When I sleep less than 8 hours I’m exhausted and want to die, but when I sleep more than 8 hours I’m exhausted and want to die.
  4. Every Instagram caption should just be, “ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??”
  5. If you’re about to post song lyrics on social media, ask yourself is it worth it? Let me work it. I put my thing down flip it ‘n reverse it.
  6. That awkward moment when you see your EX with that person they told you not to worry about during your relationship…
  7. It’s amazing how fast your mood can change after you step in some water with socks on.
  8. The struggle when you just ate but you’re still hungry.
  9. I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
  10. When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
  11. Girls have two moods:
    “love me”
    and
    “whoa, don’t love me that much, bye”
  12. Don’t you wish some people would start using glue instead of lipstick?
  13. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand to speak in public.
  14. You’d think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor.
  15. The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
  16. Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my Dasani water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
  17. I’m offering a cyber bullying self-defense course at the YMCA where we aggressively close browser windows and switch computers off.
  18. I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
  19. The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.
  20. They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Cat REALLY Loves His Owner….

That’s one really affectionate kitty! So cute 🙂

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!