Facebook Status Updates

Cat Killing a Balloon, Imitation, and Epic Status Posts

Editorial Team

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Share some laughs, use one of these…

EPIC Status Posts:

I wish I could generate income from my sarcasm.
You text him, he doesn’t text back. He was obviously so excited that you texted him that he fainted.
Bitches or not, 99 problems is still a shitload of problems.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
Never take for granted someone that can make you smile or the fact that you have something to smile about.
They say love is like a roller coaster and I get it. After I see two people in love I totally want to throw up.
Don’t you hate it when somebody turns on the light to wake you up and you’re just like -_o
Character is the result of two things: mental attitude and the way we spend our time.
Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I was just walking across the street and some dude in a Smart Car didn’t see me and hit me. I think he’ll survive. The cars totaled though.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
This week is going by slower than a heard of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Everyday life can be hectic and stressful, but never forget what it’s all about: doing the hokey pokey and turning yourself around.
Everyone is someone’s learning experience.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.