Candy Crush, Bad Grandpa, and Hilarious Status Updates

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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Ever want to click on someone’s Facebook status and fix all the spelling and grammatical errors for them?
  2. Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
  3. Whenever a man asks me what kind of books I like, I tell him checkbooks.
  4. Acquaintance: a person I know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
  5. Instead of my car saying stupid things like “your door is ajar,” it should say helpful things like, “there’s a trooper hiding in the bushes.”
  6. I really hate when my co-workers don’t wake me up for my lunch break.
  7. Ghost hunters: Can you communicate with us?

    *door creeks*

    Ghost hunters: Oh so your name is William…

  8. First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep. Second Thing…. Stare at phone in bed for at least 20minutes.
  9. Some girls need to realize that having fat on their bodies doesn’t make them fat…it makes them alive.
  10. That moment, when you and your best friend look at each other and know what you are thinking and both laugh.
  11. I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
  12. You can’t spell “listen” without “silent”
  13. Like this with your bottom lip. (98% of people can’t do it)
  14. I’m not fat. My stomach is 3D.
  15. Hey homeless guy, quick tip: don’t panhandle outside the 99 Cent Store, we’re not that far from you.
  16. Whenever I hand someone my camera to take a picture, they act like I’m asking them to pilot an alien spaceship. JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON!
  17. Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, and don’t decide when you’re sad.
  18. Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
  19. Spongebob: “What if I break your trust someday?” Patrick: “Trusting you is my decision, proving me wrong is your choice.”
  20. When I was younger, $20 felt like $1000…now it feels like $1.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS

What Happens When Skittles and M&M’s Meet?

Skittles and M&M Candies

I can only imagine the delicious confusion that would ensue with a handful of those.

Bad Grandpa Trailer (From JackAss Guys)

LOL! This movie looks hilarious 🙂 Or stupid. Depends on how much of the trailer was the funny parts, amirite?

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