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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:
- Ever want to click on someone’s Facebook status and fix all the spelling and grammatical errors for them?
- Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
- Whenever a man asks me what kind of books I like, I tell him checkbooks.
- Acquaintance: a person I know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Instead of my car saying stupid things like “your door is ajar,” it should say helpful things like, “there’s a trooper hiding in the bushes.”
- I really hate when my co-workers don’t wake me up for my lunch break.
- Ghost hunters: Can you communicate with us?
Ghost hunters: Oh so your name is William…
- First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep. Second Thing…. Stare at phone in bed for at least 20minutes.
- Some girls need to realize that having fat on their bodies doesn’t make them fat…it makes them alive.
- That moment, when you and your best friend look at each other and know what you are thinking and both laugh.
- I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
- You can’t spell “listen” without “silent”
- Like this with your bottom lip. (98% of people can’t do it)
- I’m not fat. My stomach is 3D.
- Hey homeless guy, quick tip: don’t panhandle outside the 99 Cent Store, we’re not that far from you.
- Whenever I hand someone my camera to take a picture, they act like I’m asking them to pilot an alien spaceship. JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON!
- Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, and don’t decide when you’re sad.
- Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
- Spongebob: “What if I break your trust someday?” Patrick: “Trusting you is my decision, proving me wrong is your choice.”
- When I was younger, $20 felt like $1000…now it feels like $1.
What Happens When Skittles and M&M’s Meet?
I can only imagine the delicious confusion that would ensue with a handful of those.
Bad Grandpa Trailer (From JackAss Guys)
LOL! This movie looks hilarious 🙂 Or stupid. Depends on how much of the trailer was the funny parts, amirite?