Buttkiss, Strong Password, and Crazy Status Updates

Happy Monday, Share these…

Crazy Funny Facebook Status Updates:

  1. No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
  2. KY should just go ahead and make lip gloss already.
  3. Woke up starving. Did not eat enough spiders while I slept last night.
  4. I realize it’s pointless to ask my dogs which one of them farted but if I don’t ask they might think it was me.
  5. Did you know that if you plug your nose, you can’t hum? And that everyone who just read that is going to try it anyway?
  6. Some days you’re the writing. Other days you’re the wall.
  7. If love is blind. and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet he just keeps on talking
  8. I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes – “open bar”
  9. I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
  10. If I had a dollar for every time I misplaced my keys, I’d have a purse full of money, I’d also be trying to find.
  11. That’s a ugly shade of bitch your wearing.
  12. If your job involves spinning a sign on the street corner you really should question every life choice you have ever made.
  13. I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
  14. Sometimes Canadians fistfight over who is more sorry.
  15. Winter needs to calm the heck down.
  16. I’m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I’m stuck in a tree.
  17. Please leave your name, number, and as long as I’m making demands, your best rendition of the “I Believe I Can Fly”
  18. Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that’s not already taken.
  19. I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
  20. What I learned from Princess Leia is that you don’t have to be the most beautiful woman in the room if you’re the only woman in the room.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Doesn’t Want to Be Called Buttkiss:

It’s like he really knows and is offended. So freakin’ funny! Share this if you enjoyed.

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