Get over hump day, share these…
20 Funny Mid Week Status Updates
- Does anyone know of any rappers who are proud of their hometowns?
- Few things are as consistently weird as the guy/girl handshake.
- I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
- Who else hates the sound of their own voice on video?
- Before Google, there was memory.
- You’re not handicapped, you’re fat. You should have a parking spot 6 miles away and be required to jumping jack to the store.
- McDonald’s in a Walmart is like serving alcohol at an AA meeting.
- Need food this week but, I can’t afford it because of printer ink 🙁
- Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
- At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.
- Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
- I just think there are a lot more animals out there we could be eating.
- The people who call my landline: 1. Telemarketers. 2. My mom. 3. Your mom.
- The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
- The truth is, when I start a statement with “the truth is” I’m usually lying my ass off.
- The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
- What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
- “That’ll be $147,382.” – The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air.
- And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
- This status has been downloaded to your system and is now scanning your hard drive for copyrighted material. Stand by. SCANNING – ███░ 23%
Bird Feeds Dog Noodles…
True definition of Partners in Crime 🙂 Share if you enjoyed.
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