Big World, Protesting Puppy, and 20 Clever Statuses

Make the weekend last longer, share these…

20 Clever Status Updates for Facebook:

  1. This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
  2. If you choose to always make it all about you, that’s precisely who you’ll end up with.
  3. That awkward moment when your awkwardly standing there while your friend talks to people you don’t know.
  4. I’m sorry…I didn’t recognize you without your Instagram filter.
  5. Cell phones keep getting thinner and smarter…people, the opposite.
  6. It takes so much self control for me not to write, “you sure about that?” under Facebook engagement announcements.
  7. I spilled my Pumpkin Spice Latte, and now a bunch of ants are making brunch plans and doing yoga.
  8. Newton’s third law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
  9. I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
  10. What idiot decided it should be my foot’s asleep instead of coma toes?
  11. Apple’s google glass knockoff attaches a small screen on a frame above your eyes, and it will be called iBrowse.
  12. I like to hide condom wrappers in my married friends pockets.
  13. Some days I think Forrest had the right idea when he dropped everything and just kept running.
  14. People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
  15. If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with assholes”
  16. Every scary movie, for the rest of our lives, needs a scene explaining why no one has their cell phone.
  17. 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian Roulette.
  18. I bet you if you pressure your child into becoming a drug addicted, alcoholic gang banger, they will disappoint you and become a doctor.
  19. Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can’t figure out how to escape with all the windows down?
  20. How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?

Yesterdays Status Updatesā€¦

Frenchie Argues Against Bedtime…

So Cute! Share if you’d like šŸ˜›

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