Score more likes, share these…
20 Witty Facebook Statuses:
- Santa Clause has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
- Movies are so unrealistic. This guy’s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe…
- Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
- Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single.
- The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin Mcallister because I’m always going home alone
- Sometimes when it’s nice out I feel bad playing Mario Kart inside all day, so I pick a sunny outdoor course like Koopa Troopa Beach.
- There are two types of people in this world and it is easily determined by what they do when an ice cube falls on the floor.
- My phone just auto-corrected, ‘calendar’ to ‘cake radar’ and now I really wish I had that.
- I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a “safe & fun work environment” Sheryl.
- Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means.
- You’d think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor
- The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
- I am sorry you are too busy to type the ‘o’ in ‘ok’ my liege.
- When I die I want to be buried with a random animal bone from a giraffe or something. Just to mess with future archaeologists.
- By all means, please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.
- THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
- After a million years of human evolution, man has reached a point where he is now stupider than his telephone.
- Shout out to people with no boundaries who tell complete strangers intimate details we don’t want to hear!
- Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
- After several overly committed experiments, I have concluded that it is impossible to die of bacon poisoning.
Haha, looks about right!
Big Kitty is a KittEh At Heart:
Meow! So cute 🙂 So Scary… but, So cute!