Betty White Flash Mob, Angry Girls, and 20 Awesome Facebook Status Updates

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Happy MLK Day, make someone smile, share one of these..

I really want to have fun today. Because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare.
If I don’t snapchat u back its not because I’m ignoring you it’s because my face isn’t cooperating.
My Hobbies:
– switching between the same three apps for hours
– imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
When you don’t get a text back and you find yourself reviewing the conversation to see where you messed up.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
And then God created Saturn… And he liked it… So he put a ring on it.
I feel like if you memorize an album you should earn a free concert ticket.
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Beards are the new six pack and I’m okay with it.
I’m less in a relationship and more in a situationship.
I’m “It’s too late to start a movie” years old.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Congratulations on your gold medal in the conclusion jump.
Shit happens, step over it.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
If you REALLY want to know how she feels about you get her drunk & then piss her off.
Describe yourself in three pizza toppings.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.