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Silly Facebook Statuses:
- If I don’t want to participate in Mondays, I shouldn’t have to.
- Every morning I look forward to coming home and sleeping.
- There are so many scams on the Internet now-a-days. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
- I’m not judgmental, so when I see a person driving slow in the fast lane, I never assume what gender she is.
- Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
- Bitches be trippin. Well, I might have pushed that last one.
- Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
- Deleting one ‘ha’ from your ‘hahahahahaha’ because you think it’s too much.
- Rule of math: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
- Letting someone in your life is like turning off the antivirus, downloading a file from the internet, installing it & hope it’s not a virus.
- Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
- I want to spend the rest of my cell phone battery with you.
- Prince Harry must feel all kinds of weird when he’s stuffing pictures of his grandmother in the strippers’ g-strings.
- When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
- I used to be passive aggressive but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me, idiot. I’ll sit right here. I’ll fricken forgive you.
- Friends don’t let friends twerk.
- I’ve said things to mosquitos that I wouldn’t even say to my worst enemy.
- Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
- Turns out, when the officer asks why you’re not wearing a seatbelt, pretending to have T Rex arms is only hilarious to you.
- I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives ME dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Best Football Commercial EVER:
WOW! That was powerful. Very inspirational and beautiful.