Facebook Status Updates

Best Card Ever, Cat Blockers, and Amazing Statuses

Editorial Team

513

Score more likes, share these…

Amazing Facebook Statuses:

I just ended racism by liking a page on Facebook. You’re welcome, everyone.
That awkward moment when you’re trying to end a conversation and the other person won’t stop talking.
I sing way too much for someone who can’t sing.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Facebook should just change it’s name to “People You May Want to Avoid.”
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
So now we just get drunk every night and wait for Santa to show up, right?
Taking 30 minutes to shower, because you like to stand there, under the hot water, just thinking about life.
There is no “u” in awesome… But there is a “me”.
It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.
You are never too old for Disney movies.
It’s crazy how you can go months or years without talking to someone but they still cross your mind everyday.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his drivers license.
Ladies, when you catch a guy staring at your chest, he is not looking at your boobs, he is staring into your heart.
Haters gonna hate.
Potatoes gonna potate.
Waiters gonna wait.
Aligators gonna aligate
I restart the whole song when I miss my favorite part.
High school made me realize that a lot of people will change just to fit in.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.