Beef, Awesome Moment, and Hilarious Status Updates

FunnyStatus Team

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Ugh Monday, share one of these and brighten someones day…

20 Hilarious Status Updates for a Monday:

Do you ever just break out in song when you hear a certain word?
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we’re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
The number of people that confuse ‘to’ and ‘too’ is two damn high.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ★☆☆☆☆ (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Why can’t plane tickets be like 10 dollars?
Back in my day, you had to go to channel 3 to play video games.
It’s like my love life is the Oscar’s and I’m Leonardo DiCaprio.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Hey food marketers, “100% natural” means nothing. Cowshit is 100% natural but I’m not eating that. Not without sprinkles or something.
Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.
My puzzle of life is put together just like I did puzzles as a kid, by jamming the pieces together even if they didn’t fit.
All gas station bathrooms are required by law to look like the set of one of the “Saw” movies.
Don’t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I react to “Someone has tagged a photo of you…” in the same way I react to a doctor saying, “Your test results came back…”
Maybe if we over-paid our teachers and under-paid our Pop artists there would better education and less bad music.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I’d probably give up.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.