Switch it up, share these…
Classic Facebook Statuses:
- First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
- I renamed all my files “the world,” so everyday when I “save” the world I feel important.
- Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
- Whenever I’m depressed I like to cut myself… a nice big piece of cake.
- Now that “twerk” has been added to the dictionary, I can’t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
- Everyone has that one friend that sucks at driving.
- Back in my day animals were crackers not rubber bands.
- While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
- “Selfie” has been added to the Oxford English Dictionary as “A photo you take of yourself that looks nothing like you”
- I want to create a Facebook event called “Shut The Hell Up” and invite everybody.
- Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
- I don’t want you back, but I do want to stop this new person from making you happy.
- Everyone has that one best friend who’s now a stranger.
- One of the worst things in life is when you step in water while wearing socks.
- Me: I cleaned all the dishes
Mom: aren’t you going to put them away too?
Me: you have to upgrade from the trial version to the full version
- I hate when u say “I hate that song” and someone goes “well you have to admit it’s catchy” the plague is catchy that doesn’t mean it’s good.
- No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
- I hate when waiters ask, “Are you done with that?” When the plate is completely clear. Like nah, imma eat the plate too.
- Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
- There’s “hell” in hello, “good” in goodbye, “lie” in believe, “over” in lover, “end” in friend, “ex” in “next”, & “if” in life.
- To skip any youtbue ad just change ‘youtbue’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Bear Sized Puppy…
That is one large puppy, sir.
Master of Kebabs:
Sometimes in life there are things that make you go… Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! This is one of those moments. Share & share alike, my friends.