Bear Sized Puppy, Kebab Master, and Classic Facebook Statuses

Switch it up, share these…

Classic Facebook Statuses:

1. First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
2. I renamed all my files “the world,” so everyday when I “save” the world I feel important.
3. Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
4. Whenever I’m depressed I like to cut myself… a nice big piece of cake.
5. Now that “twerk” has been added to the dictionary, I can’t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
6. Everyone has that one friend that sucks at driving.
7. Back in my day animals were crackers not rubber bands.
8. While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
9. “Selfie” has been added to the Oxford English Dictionary as “A photo you take of yourself that looks nothing like you”
10. I want to create a Facebook event called “Shut The Hell Up” and invite everybody.
11. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
12. I don’t want you back, but I do want to stop this new person from making you happy.
13. Everyone has that one best friend who’s now a stranger.
14. One of the worst things in life is when you step in water while wearing socks.
15. Me: I cleaned all the dishes
    Mom: aren’t you going to put them away too?
    Me: you have to upgrade from the trial version to the full version
16. I hate when u say “I hate that song” and someone goes “well you have to admit it’s catchy” the plague is catchy that doesn’t mean it’s good.
17. No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
18. I hate when waiters ask, “Are you done with that?” When the plate is completely clear. Like nah, imma eat the plate too.
19. Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
20. There’s “hell” in hello, “good” in goodbye, “lie” in believe, “over” in lover, “end” in friend, “ex” in “next”, & “if” in life.
21. To skip any youtbue ad just change ‘youtbue’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Bear Sized Puppy…

That is one large puppy, sir.

Master of Kebabs:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW0Gn9DjYyY[/youtube]

Sometimes in life there are things that make you go… Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! This is one of those moments. Share & share alike, my friends.