BBQ Tools, Pizza Hut Cat, and 20 Tasty Statuses

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

20 Tasty Facebook Statuses:

  1. I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!
  2. What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.
  3. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
  4. When my phone dies and I don’t have a charger, I might as well be Amish.
  5. Most stress is caused by three things: family, money, and family with no money.
  6. I’m really over this whole working for a living thing.
  7. I’m happy as long as I’m not hungry.
  8. There’s always time for a glass of wine.
  9. Wedding cake… one last reminder of what it was like to shove something in her mouth.
  10. Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
  11. I will never trust anyone enough to let them scroll through my photos unsupervised.
  12. I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
  13. That moment when you want to throw a lamp at someone so they’ll lighten the f*ck up.
  14. I showered and came to work. Asking me to be productive is pushing it.
  15. If I haven’t said something vulgar to you then we probably aren’t good friends.
  16. The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single last one of them.
  17. Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
  18. For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
  19. I’m not sure where you learned to whisper but I’m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws.
  20. After reading this sentence you will notice that the the brain doesn’t recognize the second the.

WittyStatus | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Cat Works at Pizza Hut, this is his job:

He does his job well, not a speck of dust in that Pizza hut!

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