Make your weekend last longer..
Top 20 Weekend Status Posts:
- Don’t try calling me back after you miss my call. I make 3 calls a year. You blew it.
- I’m simultaneously the nicest and meanest person you’ll ever meet.
- Asking someone a question used to be a good way to start a conversation. Now that we can just “google it”, I almost feel like asking someone a question makes me look lazy or weird for not having just searched for it on the internet.
- I don’t have a sweet tooth. I have sweet teeth.
- No pants are the best pants.
- I have 2 looks – cute and homeless.
- That awkward moment when you blow someone’s phone up and they don’t reply and you look insane.
- Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
- “Do what you love” is shitty career advice because mostly what I love is spending time alone and eating breakfast food.
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
- Please enjoy your day. Not mine.
- You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
- Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport.
- Houston, I have so many problems.
- Nice try blocked number, but I don’t even answer my phone when I know who’s calling.
- You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
- Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
- Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
- I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
- If I had an identical twin, we would move to opposite ends of the country and tell none of our new friends that we had a twin. Then when one of us dies, the other would attend the funeral and whisper “it’s your fault” to random people, then leave.
Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…
SpongeBob Can Dance…
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYWsQcmYWiI[/youtube]
That was terrible. But, for some reason I watched it a dozen times.
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