Spongebob Bass Pants, Batman, & Top 20 Weekend Status Posts

Make your weekend last longer..

Top 20 Weekend Status Posts:

  1. Don’t try calling me back after you miss my call. I make 3 calls a year. You blew it.
  2. I’m simultaneously the nicest and meanest person you’ll ever meet.
  3. Asking someone a question used to be a good way to start a conversation. Now that we can just “google it”, I almost feel like asking someone a question makes me look lazy or weird for not having just searched for it on the internet.
  4. I don’t have a sweet tooth. I have sweet teeth.
  5. No pants are the best pants.
  6. I have 2 looks – cute and homeless.
  7. That awkward moment when you blow someone’s phone up and they don’t reply and you look insane.
  8. Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
  9. “Do what you love” is shitty career advice because mostly what I love is spending time alone and eating breakfast food.
  10. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
  11. Please enjoy your day. Not mine.
  12. You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
  13. Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport.
  14. Houston, I have so many problems.
  15. Nice try blocked number, but I don’t even answer my phone when I know who’s calling.
  16. You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
  17. Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
  18. Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
  19. I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
  20. If I had an identical twin, we would move to opposite ends of the country and tell none of our new friends that we had a twin. Then when one of us dies, the other would attend the funeral and whisper “it’s your fault” to random people, then leave.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

SpongeBob Can Dance…

That was terrible. But, for some reason I watched it a dozen times.

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