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Top 20 Witty Facebook Statuses
- I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
- When you eat cereal, the cereal box automatically becomes interesting.
- I’m not slurring my words, I’m speaking in cursive.
- The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird stuff.
- Experience is not what happens to you; it’s what you do with what happens to you.
- Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
- It isn’t that I’m not a people person…it’s just that I’m not a stupid people person.
- Life would be so much better if there were Piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
- A true “Race Against Time” is flushing while you pee.
- Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will fix it. Stop reminding us every 6 months.
- Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.
- Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
- Still trying to decide if “You look nice today” is a compliment, or just a way of saying that I usually look like crap.
- If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
- Couldn’t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn’t fall asleep.
- Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
- If you’re a sarcastic person, come sit with me because I’m one too.
- 2014 is in 3 months
- Stop editing your pics. What if you go missing? How can we find you if you look like Beyonce on Facebook, and Waka Flocka in person.
- If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Go ahead & Like Yourself…
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Cat Gets Caught Barking…
It’s almost as if she realized that she’d been caught barking and switched back to meowing. Clever girl!