Awkwardness, Freestyle Train Music, and Clever Status Posts

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Clever Facebook Statuses:

  1. Hey Tuesday, this week, you’re basically Monday and therefore, I hate you.
  2. I hate texting people who don’t use smileys. I feel like I’m texting an emotionless robot.
  3. Do bees even have knees?
  4. Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets.
  5. I won’t be coming into work tomorrow because I’m participating in a sleep study.
  6. Do you want to know Victoria’s Secret? Their lingerie doesn’t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models.
  7. That fake laugh you do when you don’t understand what someone said to you.
  8. Sometimes I will just get annoyed with people randomly. Like I don’t even have a real reason but their presence just bothers me.
  9. You should just let your Honor Student drive, because clearly you’re an idiot.
  10. *closes Facebook*
    *opens up Instagram*
    *scrolls*
    *scrolls*
    *closes Instagram*
    *opens up Facebook*
  11. Facebook – where people you haven’t seen or talked to in 10 years remind you of why that is.
  12. Everyone’s days are numbered. It’s called a calendar.
  13. Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
  14. We need a new “that’s what she said”
  15. What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up you plug it into your computer and watch them over again..
  16. Astronauts and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
  17. Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, and don’t decide when you’re sad.
  18. Read each sentence:This is this cat. This is is cat.This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is retard cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is 40 cat. This is seconds cat. Now read every third word in each sentence 🙂
  19. I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don’t want people to recognize me when I’m pooping.
  20. Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Awkwardness Defined:

awkwardness defined

That just about sums it up. The look on his face is classic.

EPIC Freestyle Train Beat:

Wow, talk about amazing raw talent! That guy is good! Next stop, X Factor 🙂

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