Awkward Moment, Struggle Was Real, and Epic Status Posts

Make today count, share one of these…

Epic Facebook Status Posts:

  1. I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So….see you after breakfast.
  2. If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
  3. There’s no panic like trying to press “End” when you make an accidental call.
  4. I have the ability to get a song stuck in anyone’s head and I don’t wanna wait, for our lives to be over.
  5. My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
  6. The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
  7. Ladies, wonder if he’s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
  8. People say circumcision dosen’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
  9. Stages of beard length:
    1.) sexy stubble
    2.) sea captain beard
    3.) prisoner of war beard
    4.) homeless person beard
    5.) wizard beard
  10. The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100% sure there’s a murderer in my bathroom.
  11. Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
  12. If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it’s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it’s called “cheating.”
  13. No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
  14. I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
  15. Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
  16. Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don’t want to see.
  17. It scares me that some of you have children.
  18. I’d like to shake the hand of the guy who invented the snooze button… in like 9 minutes.
  19. My wife said, “You always blame everyone else when things go wrong” I said..”And whose fault is that?”
  20. The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own ass for a pillow.

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Happens to the best of us 🙂 Poor kid / guy!

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