Awkward Moment When, Disappointed, and 20 Clever Facebook Status Updates

Make someones Monday, share one of these…

20 Clever Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
  2. I love when strangers smile at me and I smile back and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
  3. People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.
  4. You’ll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you.
  5. 3 types of people – people who stay when your life gets rough – people who leave when your life gets rough – people who make your life rough
  6. I’m going to retire and live off my life savings. What I’ll do the second week, I have no idea.
  7. You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.
  8. Hey I bet you guys can’t guess what the Titanic’s least favorite kind of lettuce is.
  9. How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
  10. Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we’re going.
  11. Dear guys: Women don’t want pictures of your junk. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
  12. I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
  13. Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
  14. Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
  15. Heck is where you go if you don’t believe in Gosh.
  16. If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way.
  17. People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
  18. You had me at 0 mutual friends.
  19. Fear the man wearing velcro strapped sandals, for he has nothing left to lose.
  20. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog is getting told on, and he knows it…

Sucking up won’t help you.

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