Facebook Status Updates

Anxiety, Howling Puppy, & 20 Creative Status Updates

Editorial Team

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20 Creative Facebook Status Updates:

Caffeine and sarcasm are my fuel.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for 5 minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
The amount of public bathroom stall graffiti has drastically declined since the widespread use of smartphones.
When I do something awesome, no one sees it. When I do something embarrassing, everyone sees it.
Go to bed early they said. You’ll be less tired they said.
I’d rather look back at my life and say “I can’t believe I did that” instead of saying, “I wish I did that.”
True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people…… together.
I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well. Like… Its working out… I think I’m the one.
It’s always disappointing when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Finding Bigfoot has been on the air for 5 years. It should be called Not Finding Bigfoot.
It’s too warm for hot coffee but not hot enough for iced coffee.
Eventually someone will die in a self-driving car and it will keep going to its destination… it’s final destination.
That awkward moment when you hear something that kills you inside, but you have to act like you’re fine.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart ass.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Ziploc’s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
If you’re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don’t google ‘old man bond age’. Or do, it’s up to you… I’m not the boss of you.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Some people wouldn’t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.