Amazing Toy, Being an Adult, & 20 Hot Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Help your friends this Wednesday, share these…

20 Hot Status Updates:

If Kanye didn’t sing “Gold Digger” while Kim walked down the aisle, I’m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding
That awkward moment when you look fine in front of the mirror then as soon as you take a picture you look like a troll.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Isn’t it weird when someone’s voice doesn’t match their appearance?
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sunflowers are yellow
I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just plain old gardening facts.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
Facebook Comments I Didn’t Make Today: This quote about success would be more inspiring if it actually came from a successful person.
Any pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Please enjoy your day. Not mine.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward through time just to see if it’s all worth it in the end.
Making the cats chase the laser pointer. Re-establishing who is boss, for now.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
All women have at least one pair of jeans in their closet that’s trying to kill them.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Words I’m incorporating into my vernacular: Vernacular, Incorporating
Telling someone not to be sad because others have it worse, is like telling people they can’t be happy because others have it better.