Help your friends this Wednesday, share these…
20 Hot Status Updates:
- If Kanye didn’t sing “Gold Digger” while Kim walked down the aisle, I’m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding
- That awkward moment when you look fine in front of the mirror then as soon as you take a picture you look like a troll.
- I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
- Isn’t it weird when someone’s voice doesn’t match their appearance?
- Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
- Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sunflowers are yellow
I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just plain old gardening facts.
- I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
- The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
- Facebook Comments I Didn’t Make Today: This quote about success would be more inspiring if it actually came from a successful person.
- Any pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
- Please enjoy your day. Not mine.
- There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
- Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward through time just to see if it’s all worth it in the end.
- Making the cats chase the laser pointer. Re-establishing who is boss, for now.
- Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
- All women have at least one pair of jeans in their closet that’s trying to kill them.
- A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
- Words I’m incorporating into my vernacular: Vernacular, Incorporating
- Telling someone not to be sad because others have it worse, is like telling people they can’t be happy because others have it better.
Amazing Toy… from 150 years ago:
Wow, those Swiss people are geniuses! Phenomenal! Share if you enjoyed that 🙂
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