Amazing Kid Costume, Best Friends, & Really Good Status Updates

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Really Good Facebook Status Updates:

My talents include stress eating and falling in love with people that will never love me back.
School: juggling 50 things at once until you get so exhausted physically and mentally that you give up on everything and watch TV.
*passionately sings the wrong line to a song*
Why am I only motivated to sort my life out at 3am?
Don’t worry kids, being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
I need to take a day…..or four.
It’s amazing how ‘not thin’ a box of Thin Mints can make you feel.
My favorite winter activity is staying inside in my pajamas and being antisocial.
I need to get my birthday suit taken in.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they’ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what’s really going on.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was f*cking amazing at it.
I’m confident but not old dude in the gym changing room confident.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
You haven’t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Calm the eff down, different flavored Oreos. Nobody wants to make that kind of decision. Regular or Double stuff was hard enough.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.