Facebook Status Updates

Aggressive Kitty Hugs, The Struggle, & 20 Sensible Status Updates

Editorial Team

713

Make your weekend last longer…

20 Sensible Status Updates:

Sorry, I can’t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Unsure if I actually have free time or if I’m forgetting something I have to do tonight….
I’m great in bed… I can sleep for hours.
Having a beard from being too lazy to shave helps cover up my double-chin from being too lazy to exercise.
“Looks don’t matter, just be yourself” -Attractive People
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
In Japan, radiation creates monsters (Godzilla) and in America radiation creates superheroes.
If you could literally be bored to death, I bet the world would be a lot more interesting.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
There should be a shop where they have a boob scanner which 3D prints the perfect bra for you.
I wonder how many times in my life I have thought “I’ll always remember this,” that I have now completely forgotten about.
I wonder what people who type “u” instead of “you” do with all their free time.
The time when I look the most homeless is when I’m in my home.
That Awkward Moment when your girlfriend texts you “Am I fat?” and your phone autocorrects your “Noooooo” response to “Moooooo”.
Me: What are taxes and how do I pay them?
School system: Don’t worry
School system: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment.
Don’t let someone with bad eyebrows tell you anything about life.
There are 15-year-olds in the Olympics and I can barely walk up the stairs.