90 Year Old Dancing, Family, and Snarky Facebook Status Updates

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20 Snarky Status Updates for Facebook / Whatsapp:

  1. Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
  2. The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
  3. All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
  4. There’s one energy source we’ll never run out of: the anger of men under 5’7″.
  5. Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, “Now thats-a spicy meatball!” people will learn not to ask you things.
  6. Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight
  7. “Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?” “One second. Siri, do you know why this dick pulled me over?”
  8. I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they’re like ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ I tell them ‘You know.. hunting elephants.’
  9. Second chances have never been a problem with me… I tend to give about 7 or 8 before I realize I’m an idiot.
  10. Women belong in the kitchen.
    Men belong in the kitchen.
    Everybody belongs in the kitchen…the kitchen has food.
  11. I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
  12. Really regretting not taking advantage of nap time as a child.
  13. Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
  14. How many gummy bears is too many? Asking for a friend.
  15. It hurts when someone you love says mean things to you….like, “It’s time to wake up.”
  16. Women are not complicated. Just buy us chocolate and tell us we’re pretty and you’re basically set.
  17. My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.
  18. Think about yourself when you were ten, would you be disappointed in the person you are now?
  19. I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
  20. At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

90 Year-old has unbelievable dance skills:

What an inspiration! Amazing!

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