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20 Snarky Status Updates for Facebook / Whatsapp:
- Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
- The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
- All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
- There’s one energy source we’ll never run out of: the anger of men under 5’7″.
- Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, “Now thats-a spicy meatball!” people will learn not to ask you things.
- Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight
- “Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?” “One second. Siri, do you know why this dick pulled me over?”
- I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they’re like ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ I tell them ‘You know.. hunting elephants.’
- Second chances have never been a problem with me… I tend to give about 7 or 8 before I realize I’m an idiot.
- Women belong in the kitchen.
Men belong in the kitchen.
Everybody belongs in the kitchen…the kitchen has food.
- I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
- Really regretting not taking advantage of nap time as a child.
- Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
- How many gummy bears is too many? Asking for a friend.
- It hurts when someone you love says mean things to you….like, “It’s time to wake up.”
- Women are not complicated. Just buy us chocolate and tell us we’re pretty and you’re basically set.
- My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.
- Think about yourself when you were ten, would you be disappointed in the person you are now?
- I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
- At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
90 Year-old has unbelievable dance skills:
What an inspiration! Amazing!
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