Bear vs. Man, My Autobiography, and 20 Silly Status Updates

Get through Tuesday, share one of these..

20 Silly Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
  2. A college diploma is just a receipt.
  3. Why do we close our eyes when we pray, cry, kiss or dream? Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt by the heart.
  4. Do you ever look at your pet and you can literally feel your heart melting because you love them so much?
  5. Hope nobody has a video of me trying to get the fourth corner of a fitted sheet over the mattress.
  6. Don’t worry about walking a mile in my shoes. Just try spending a day thinking in my head.
  7. Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
  8. You know you’re getting older when your friends start using the term “Pregnant” instead of “Knocked Up,”
  9. Well, guy I’ve only met once who remembers my name,…you win this round.
  10. I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
  11. Checking my phone one more time before I go to sleep because apparently 533 times wasn’t enough today.
  12. The saying ‘Money can’t buy you happiness’ should be changed to ‘Money can’t prevent sadness’
  13. It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
  14. If kindness really kills, you’ll always be completely safe around me.
  15. If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently.
  16. He’s lol. I’m haha. I just don’t see this ever working.
  17. A man went to the moon and only took five pictures, maybe you oughta cut down those 47 selfies for your trip to the bathroom, sweetheart.
  18. Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
  19. I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
  20. Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.

Funny Pics | Gifs | VideosYesterdays Status Updates

My autobiography..

my-autobiography

Pretty much sums it up.

Bear & Man spook each other..

Haha, not sure who was more scared, the bear or the man. Either way, I re-watched it 20 times just to be sure it was as funny as the first time, it was. Feel free to share 🙂

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page.