Get over hump day, share one of these..
20 Laughable Status Updates:
- I’m done adulting for today.
- Why did everyone play the recorder in fourth grade? What were they training us for?
- *picks up crying baby* it’s fine buddy when u grow up you will learn how to do this on the inside
- How do people have enough money to afford drug addictions? I can barely afford guacamole.
- I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
- Please don’t be a bitch to me because then I’ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better.
- I could really go for a puppy right now.
- The real power of a man… Is the size of the smile on his woman’s face sitting next to him.
- Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It’s f*cking delicious.
- Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It’s their job. I don’t go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
- If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say “science appreciates you”.
- Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
- Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
- If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
- What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCaprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
- Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
- My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
- I’ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
- Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
- My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
Being home alone like..
Always double check the bathroom and behind the shower curtains, just in case.
Award winning Puppy playing dead performance…
Air Bud 2? I think we just found the lead actor.
Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page.