Facebook Status Updates

New Relationships, Close Calls, & 20 Hilarious Status Posts

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Happy Tuesday, make someones day by sharing one of these..

20 Hilarious Status Posts:

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Ironman.
There’s only one person you’re guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with… yourself. Don’t live the rest of your life with an asshole.
I’ve had a busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
I’m still exhausted from my 2-mile jog. And I went on it four months ago.
Best Relationship: Talk like best-friends, play like children, argue like husband and wife, protect each other like brother and sister.
A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?
I can’t decide if I need a hug, 6 shots or 3 months of sleep.
You know that awesome feeling when you finally understand math?… Me neither. haha
I panic when someone says: “I need to talk to you.”
Do you ever FEEL yourself being annoying but you CAN’T stop??
I’m so old, I can remember getting through an entire day without taking a picture of anything.
Sometimes I wonder if the other planets feel sorry for Earth for getting stuck with all the people.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
I just want to find the “she” to my “nanigans”.
Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I’m never gonna get chicks being a “homeless romantic”.
Good things come to those who wait, 2-5 business days.