Crazy Cat, Sleepy Owl, and 20 Great Facebook Statuses

Editorial Team

629

Go ahead, borrow one for some quick laughs…

20 Great Facebook Statuses to Steal:

I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I’ll start working when my coffee does.
I love when someone remembers something I told them a long time ago.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Autocorrect changed “you’re so wise” to “you’re so wide”, and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Unplanned moments are always better than planned ones.
I didn’t text you to exercise my fingers.
No one looks stupid when they’re having fun.
Don’t eat fruit ever. Just stick to ice cream. #ThankYouSnowWhite #DisneyLifeLessons
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
When your girl says “I’m fine,” be prepared to either run for your life or kiss her ass.
I don’t know how some people do it “4 minute shower”
lol it takes me like 4 minutes to even get the water to be the right temperature.
That awkward moment when you have to stare at a text for five minutes to figure out how to reply.
So you’re saying that “Mario Brothers” implies that Luigi’s name is Luigi Mario and Mario’s name is Mario Mario?
When life gives you lemons. Life probably stole those lemons from some nice old lady. Because life is an asshole.
When you eat dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, you have to make dinosaur roars before eating. Dems the rules.
I’m proud to announce that I’m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don’t know we’re racing.
Some are born crazy, some achieve craziness, and some have craziness thrust upon them.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.